He's gone. I miss him so bad, but feel relieved in a way. It was the strangest thing seeing him breathe those last breaths and holding his hand.
It hurts, but he's not in pain anymore.
I was honored that you felt comfortable enough in our community to share this ordeal so openly and honestly, and have been thinking about you ever since. It's impossible to put myself in your shoes Sampsa, but I can definitely say that I hope your brother is in a better place and that the pain of the loss is eventually overtaken by the relief that he's no longer suffering.
Keep your head up, and we're always here when you want to talk, vent or escape.