You need to read more Spider-Man stories.
Oh, I'm not at all saying there are no good ones but IMO there are no real definitive once that can be really placed up the with the comment "This is Spider-man" For instance, no one might agree with me but I thought one of the best and most fun Spiderman stories was "A Death in the Family" by Paul Jenkins from Peter Parker Spider-man 44-47. It was a great Spider-man/Peter Parker and Green Goblin/Norman Osborn relationship story. But that doesn't make it great or top notch.
But I love and have read quite a great many Spidey stories