The next person to wish me a happy St Patís Day will have their ISP anonymously informed that they download pictures of dogs fucking babies. Iíve slept with Irish girls and gotten drunk in Belfast, which makes me more Irish than 99% of you ó and, whoops, hereís the clue train pulling up to the station, and it says Iím not Irish and neither are 99% of you so you can stick St Patís Day up your arse.
If you want to celebrate St Patís today, eat a raw potato, build a house out of peat and get yourself shot by an Englishman.
And guess what? If you were born in America, youíre not Irish, youíre fucking American. Deal with it.
(Though I still advise American tourists in Europe to tell people theyíre Canadian at all times.)
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